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September 28 Aches and painsAround two today I felt bad...really really bad. Subsequently havent eaten anything and have taken about four different types of meds in an effort to retain the will to live. I am now giving up and heading to the doctor tomorrow. Sigh.
Ah crap. I wanted to blog something but I have COMPLETELY forgotten. I hate it when that happens. Watch this space, I'll remember at some point or another. September 27 And our cheeks can touchSoooo tired. Pathetique. Have headache of doom, and when headache is present so is nausea, but when I self medicate, it is blessfully bearable.
Work today was so.freaking.boring. I spent most of it making a list of things I want to buy and what I need to take with me on the trip. Which worked out quite nicely as my parents and I went to Anaconda this afternoon and purchased a whole range of things for said trip. One good thing is that all the winter gear is on sale atm so we can be prepared. I got a backpack so I am set for this and all my future travels - 
I also got a Denali soft shell black hooded jacket [I'm part of the Denali clan now, teehee...see how lame I am?]. It is nice, warm, and appropriate for European winter climates but it isnt a Ski parka and thus doesnt make me look like the indominable snowman...so people in London may laugh at me less for my inability to handle the cold :P I also bought a thermal long sleeved shirt. Now I just need nice thick socks so in case we decide to ascend any alps, my toes wont turn blue...again *shakes head* I was going to get these uber awesome boots but unfortunately they only had a 9.5 in the black left over, and I'm not a fan of the white ones. Sigh. Need to hit up a factory outlet for sale winter boots or such. So yeaaaah, I still have a few things to get, but the backpack was the major thing. It's all getting nearer now after all.
I'm currently plotting a trip for parental consideration since the coach tour thing doesnt seem to be going our way. Research makes me feel better. Like the world is more organised.
The Dresden Files book I'm reading has all these random LOTR references, it's fantastic. The books just make me glee from nerdiness. For example, Harry is confronted by creepy people wearing long, dark cloaks, hooded so their faces can't be seen. His response? "I told these guys last week I didn't want to buy a ring." :D I did a sidesick post about that earlier in the week but the message must have been, erm, misplaced. Sigh.
Anywho, lots to do, not enough drive to do it. Procrastination commence.
September 26 SiiiighOh-kay. Why does Soundwave like to mess with me so? Every time I go I'm convinced I won't go again and then I catch sight of the line-up they yank together and it all goes to hell. They're making tons of improvements to complaints people had re: 08 soundwave so maybe it'll work out. Of course I could stick with the original plan and just rock the sideshows, but who knows if the bands I wanna see will be doing sideshows...but then again, they might clash anyway. Festivals are not my friend. But the liiiiine up. Here's my pics -
SAY ANYTHING! Epic. Glee.
Nince Inch Nails
Alkaline Trio
Billy Talent
Anberlin
The Subways
Madina Lake
New Found Glory
Hellogoodbye
Chiodos
Silverstein
Saves the Day
Straylight Run
Bayside
Houston Calls
The Audition
Bah.
September 24 NfrghI had a hair appointment today and I completely forgot. DAMN IT. It would have been perfect to have it done today grumble grumble.
I am uber unproductive. I was going to write the first draft of my script today...instead I had a go at playing Legend of Zelda and watching The Mighy Boosh. Am up to Season 3 now.
Am feeling ill. Again. Still? Gah.
New House today.
Watched Dr. Who yesterday after getting hooked on an ep Sunday. Damn it. My brain cannot take another obsession, so I'm trying to restrain myself. But it's goooood. From nerdiness. September 23 Warning : Content HeavyIt is safe to say that lately I haven't been keeping up on the scene news as I have been known to do in the past. If anything, I couldnt really care less about anything that went down and my OCD severly deserted this area of my life. So today as I was skimming past some old haunts at work, I realised yet again how easy it is to miss things. Holy crap but it moves fast. Anywho, now I present this blog with all the new things I wasn't aware of and such. Note the subject line, you've been warned. - I understand Anberlin's video for 'Compound Lockdown' is quite amusing...new album also due out September 30. - 'The Glass Passenger', Jack's Mannequin's second album, is scheduled for release on September 30 too. Busy day. Hope it's good, I really loved the first one. - What is all this Max Bemis song shop business? - New Ryan Adams (and the Cardinals) album out next month. - *disgruntled snort* Paramore are contributing two songs to the Twilight movie soundtrack. Epic. Sigh. I reserve the right to complain later. And according to that article there WILL be a Muse song on there too. Thank fuck. I get really disgruntled by the lack of Muse appreciation in relation to the Twilight series. I wonder how Matt Bellamy feels about it all, hmmm. Well that'll do for now. I'm really enjoying 'White Noise'. It's got some kick ass solos on it, and the opening track is so strong. Just loves. I will end on with a clip from one of The Mighty Boosh eps I watched last night. My parents were sitting there watching a bit with me and I can say that confusion and WTF faces reigned. It was great. September 22 HahahaHuzzah! The sidekick blogging works again. Ah isn't it funny, just as one thing breaks down, something else works again. By that I mean my ever-plotting laptop. After installing the Vista updates it kept nagging me about, suddenly I have no sound. It says there are no sound devices installed. How does that even work? Did the speakers climb out of the cd tray when I wasn't looking? Yet again technology proves that it is not my friend. How am I supposed to watch The Mighty Boosh dvds the wondeful Abs sent me hmmm? I was quite enjoying starting at 11 while lazing in bed. Bah. Woooooow there's some psycho wind action happening here atm. Storm's on its way. Anywho, I have an absolutely ferocious headache today. Woke up with it. Refuses to go away. I may have taken too many nurofens because I feel slightly nauseous. And it didn't even help! *shakes head* Got my passport application all stamped and signed at the post office this morning. They cut up the old one, how mean. I should get the new one in about two weeks. $208 well spent. Not. The latter part of the morning was spent watching Jericho with dad. We only have three episodes left till we finish the series. Its such a great show, its not fair. I quite like owning TV shows on dvd tho. Its nice to have the freedom to watch it whenever. I would like to acquire more shows such as Gilmore Girls (there's a nice set of all of them available atm which isn't too expensive really); House; Heroes; Seinfeld (I have 1,2 and 4); Alias; Burn; Dark Angel Season 2; Numb3rs; Veronica Mars (the one I foolishly purchased has asian subtitles that cannot be removed). These are all shows I watched at one point or another and either liked or lost touch with due to tv channels fucking me around. There are other shows I would like to watch that I have missed or only caught one ep of here or there such as Dead Like Me and Dr. Who. Hm I must draw up a list. Anywho, better focus on work. Only 40 minutes to go. Woohoo. -- From Jasper, with love. [[Power and speed and death rolled into one]] September 21 This is not your songHmmm. I love how high fashion magazines always smell nice. What a perfect weekend, I wish the weather could be like this all the time. Yesterday I wore my polka dot dress and took Oreo to the beach. It was a bit windy but it was lovely. Today I languished around soaking up the spring and regaining some sense of breathing freely. I forgot what it felt like to love being outside like this.
I don't even care that my future is teetering percariously, that my parents are arguing again, or that the state of the world economic market will mean I am in way over my head and verging on complete destitution in the near future. I've got sun. I've got the ocean. I've got Oreo, magazines, big sunnies and 'Fast Times'. Who cares about reality?
September 19 Tomorrow I'll miss youI am annoyed. I've just spent half an hour composing a blog consisting mostly of stressing about uni, and then my laptop decided it had enough of my angsting and pulled the figurative plug. So now it is all of course lost in the abyss of nothingness...somewhere in cyberspace there is probably a scrapheap of work that was never completed due to the unco-operative nature of technology. Bah to you laptop, bah to you.
Anyway, it mostly consisted over my angsting about Honours and not getting in/not passing if they should actually let me in. All this in the wake of the information evening last night which succeeded in scaring me quite a bit. I was then contemplating Post Grad coursework such as a Graduate Diploma in Writing which is more practical and similar to what we're doing now, than the research/thesis based Honours degree. BUT Honours is government supported meaning I dont have to pay upfront, whereas Post Grad coursework is not. After about four pragraphs of rambling, I came to the decision to apply for Honours and should I not get in, I can do the Diploma in the Spring semester instead...so I only lose a semester. If I do however get in to Honours and pass (not just pass, but pass well urgh), I can consider a Masters of Arts in Creative Writing which is a two year degree that is pretty much just an expanded version of the Diploma. I'd just have to come up with a new "professional writing project" since Soliloquy is slated for Honours work, but I had three ideas in class yesterday so I'm sure it can be done. It's of course obvious that I'm slightly rattled by all of this. Stress is my natural state of being, I'm probably going to have a heart attack on of these days. It's just because I've always wanted to go to uni and do a bunch of degrees (yes cause I've always been a little nerd) and I don't have a plan for the future, so this is the best I've got. Once I've finished all this I can maybe get a nice little research job and write part time. That would be nice. It's cool too cause with the Masters/Diploma I can do an Editing and Publishing type subject as an elective. But hey, we'll see how it goes. I dont want to think about things too much and become invested them or anything, that's just dangerous.
I am now officially on uni break for two weeks. Good thing too, I can do with a little unwinding. Dad's cousin boarded his plane back to SA this morning. He's a nice guy but I think we're all happy to have things return to a vague state of normality. We havent had that around here for months now. Of course I can't do absolutely nothing for two weeks, lots of assignments need doing, buuuuut I dont have to go to class and it's the rushing from boring class to work that is the killer. Let the hanging around in PJs commence.
Oh, we were meant to go to dinner last night as 'farewell' type thing but dad was sick so it didn't happen. I was vaguely annoyed since I'd spent pretty much the whole day in the city (9 - 6.30) but whatever. My feet hate me for it now. I bought R her b'day present finally (or dvds rather, I got her Dracula, Serenity, Buffy 5, and Angel 1) and I got myself the new Living End album 'White Noise'. I wish I could go to their gig. Stupid sold out Sydney. I could go to Wollongong but it's an hours drive and I don't really have a spare $50 atm. Mostly because I also went by the markets and got a pair of sunnies (cause the woman was practically begging me to buy it, every time I turned to leave she lowered the price), an old man hat as I like to call them, and a polka dot dress I saw last week and thought was cute. I can be a girl? Scary.
Today was a lovely day. I listened to Fast Times to and from work and also blasted it from the stereo at home since I was alone...I didnt realise how loud it was until I went to get the mail and heard it all the way on the street. Oops. It's perfect for summer tho. If the weather is as nice as they're promising, I'm wearing my polka dot dress and going to the beach. Bring on the R&R.
Better go feed Oreo....my stupid rotator cuff is acting out again. I suspect I'm going to have some serious bone issues when I'm older...note to self : die young. September 14 Passing you byWish I could express everything that went down this week. There is something seriously wrong with Jasper's internet so I have been unable to blog from it/send email/do what I normally do. I dont know what the hell is up but it has meant I am significantly less internet active. I will try to some it all up -
- Watched Adaptation in Screenwriting wednesday. Were given lolly bags. Not bad. Movie was interesting despite my natural aversion to Nic Cage. One particular scene rung true. Will clarify later.
- Did presentation Thursday. Not as bad as it could have been. Took the Twilight path, no one in class has read it so I was kinda like "tsk tsk how cna you judge something you havent read". Suitably abashed.
- Tired. So tired.
- Dad's cousin arrived on Friday. He's here for a week. It's a bit weird and trying but what are you going to do.
- Went to dinner with M, R, and our old school friend A and his fiance. Was quite amusing if a bit strange.
- Had to work/vote yesterday. Ranted about compulsory voting. It blows. No, I will never stop whinging about it.
I loved the Summer Knight book from the Dresden Files. When she said her name was Mab I immediately thought of Romeo & Juliet...and when the other one turned out to be Tatania, I was hooked. Shakespeare FTW.
Have to workshop shit tomorrow. Bah. Have to take dad's cousin to his interview before uni.
So tired. Spent day driving around the north head and manly...then markets/pancakes at darling harbour/the rocks/lowenbrau. Was sporadically raining and extremely windy. Compared to yesterday it sucked hardcore. Yesterday was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. I wish every day was like that. It was nice and warm but not humid, with the exactly right kind of breeze to make sure it wasn't too hot. Was THIS close to going to the beach but as mentioned before sadly had to work/vote and then I fell asleep for two hours. Wanted to go to beach today but the day did not repeat itself, one word BAH. Will defintely be looking to hitting the beach soon. Next opportunity. Saw a gorgeous dress at the markets today. WANT.
Need to print shit for uni...then I think I might give in to my all consuming sleepiness.
Dark shines
Bringing me down
Because it's good September 09 La la laI just yelled at Tesltra for fucking up my bill AGAIN, this is the 4th month in a row. Hopefully it's fixed now or next month they will have the Hulk crushing their office to dust.
Ah awards shows *shakes head* Not having watched the VMAs this year, I'm reading the post show things they always have floating around which is less tedious than actually watching 4 hours of people reading off teleprompters and uuuum-ing. I find it kinda funny that Britney's 'Piece of Me' video won all those awards. Not much happens in that video really. And Panic lost to it *snort* Not that 'Nine in the Afternoon' is a visual masterpiece or anything. Still, could be worse, could have lost to the Jonas Brothers. Also, typical US awards, only rappers/r'n'b-ers in the best male video. Surely there are other male solo artists out there people, surely. LP as best rock is fair enough, as is Tokio Hotel. The category of "best dancing in a video" is completely laughable tho. This isnt 'So you think you can dance'...that's dancing. Take a note. Why exactly did Rihanna decide to throw 'Seven Nation Army' into her Disturbia performance? Random. Hey did Seven Nation Army ever win any awards? That video is hypnotic. Used to drive me nuts. I can also not really understand why everyone is so shocked about Russel Brand...why exactly did they hire him then? Have they not seen him host the Brit Awards? My favourite awards time is still Golden Globes/Oscars time...except every time it's on I remember how much I loathe Ryan Seacrest. Good times.
My back is killing me. Bah.
This presentation is giving murder a good go too.
Sigh. September 07 Pontificating to each otherAnd I was thinking how everything was dying, and maybe it's time to live.
I am so tired.
I've done my reading of The Arrival and a brief draft for workshopping tomorrow. I've done about a thousand words for 'the middle' and 'the end' as well as what I've done for my first chapter. It'll just have to do. Now tomorrow I'll have to write up my research assignment after uni/work. Unless I can contract some food poisoning or something. Which at the moment isn't such an unachievable thing. I think the mince I had for lunch was off.
Had to babysit tonight so I got pizza and magnums. She's 9 and is quite happy to let me sit here and work. Although I didnt get too much work done, watching her movies from over here. The only slightly disturbing thing was the fascination with Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus...and this show called the Suite life of Zack and Cody? Idk it's on Disney channel. Anyway it could be worse, it could be highschool musical. She watched this movie called Spaceballs which is a Mel Brooks Star Wars spoof...Dark Helmut? *shakes head* Don't be fooled, it's no Robin Hood Men in Tights. She also watched a Cinderalla Story which isnt nearly as bad as it could have been. *shrugs* I'm probably a bad babysitter for getting so much junk food but I still had her sleeping by 8, sugar or no sugar.
Anyway had massive blow up with parents last night. As the quote goes - I'm "drawn as tight as the strings of a violin, quavering on a single note that cannot possibly be sustained for a single second longer - but goes on and on, the tension before the crash of cymbals, the brassy challenge of the horns, the threatening rumble of the kettle drums."
Sometimes it's hard to remember other people care...or that you in fact should. I just crawl into myself and curl up. Like a snail. Or a hibernating bear. Ready to tear the face off anyone who disturbs my cave.
Half an hour off Monday. Get ready to do it all again.
September 06 GAHThere are people in my fucking house and have been since three. I cant fucking work. Goddamnit. GhrnrghSeptember never stays this cold
Where I come from and you know,
I'm not one, I'm not one
For complaining
It is absolutely freezing out there. Raining and wind and close to snow. Hello spring, you may come out now kthanks. Sigh.
I have made zero progress on the mountains of uni work I have to do by Monday. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
My back hurts. I want to go shopping for a back pack. Possibly sleeping bag? Idk. Would rather be planning trip than doing work. Or reading. Yes indeed, reading. Ghost stories always creep me out a little more than others.
I did at least vacuum and dust. Must also take passport pics tomorrow to get new passport and international student card.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
But I love the way you roll
Excuses off the tip of your tongue
As I slowly fall apart September 04 So sick, so sick of being tiredI am sick of MSN not working.
I am sick of my sidekick posts fucking disappearing.
I am sick of pointless uni presentations that no one even listens to.
I am sick of complaining.
I'm losing my fucking mind.
Shit shit shit. I still have to buy R and M 21st b'day presents.
I have to phone this stupid company and tell them how unimpressed I am with their incompetence -
FIX my bill you stupid idiots!
I have to write research assignment, do my stupid writing and so on and so on.
*twitches*
God I need a holiday. September 01 It's the tearing sound of love notesFragment - no suggestion.
Today's blog will be in single words only.
Tired.
Unwilling.
Late.
Mothballs.
Spring.
Tshirt.
Black.
Small.
Appropriate.
Quiet.
Candid. Reading
Failure.
Boredom.
Nerves.
Surprise.
Laughter.
Intrique.
Late.
Rush.
Dizzy.
Uneventful.
Annoying.
Stressed.
Plan.
Plot.
Work.
Repeat.
Hmmm.
I will reserve judgement on that little activity.
August 31 There's got to be more to lifeThan chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
I've finished the first draft of the first chapter of my INW novel...it needs a title. The Blue Door doesnt sound that catching. It's a mess tho, the voice is all over the place. So I'm gonna try to rewrite it now.
I still have to do research for my stupid presentation next week *LOATHES*
One of our old high school friends just had a baby.
It's weird.
Spring tomorrow. Feel like commencing detox. Also clearing room/computer/life. I cant wait for summer, balmy nights where I can find comfort in lying in the driveway watching the sky. Being completely convinced of your insignificance and feeling utterly at home.
I want to life in a French chateau for a month. I saw it in the Travel paper today and it sounds like bliss.
August 30 Ah I see another sidekick post has gone AWOLOh what I wouldn’t give for some solitude. A weekend of peace and quiet and being absolutely alone. it feels like years since I have been afforded the luxury of a little time out – away from stress, responsibility, thinking. I want to run away. A cabin in a sunlit wood, I can smell the forests. On the water, a lake..the ocean. Full moon nights, reflecting on the surface of the water. Not menacing darkness, just calm. The stillness. No intrusions of any kind, least of all from my thoughts. I need breaks from myself. Or a little cabin that opens onto a long stretch of pale sand, summer and the crash of the ocean. Soft, salty breeze. Wake up just after dawn and walk for hours, thinking of nothing and losing all track of time. Like when I was young. Swinging absentmindedly on a hammock and reading, eventually succumbing to the peaceful calm of the scene and drifting off into sunkissed dreams. Swing playing in the background – Frank Sinatra preferably. Then watch the sun set in fire on the water, and later sitting on the deck, legs crossed with a cup of coffee staring up at the stars, thinking of everything. But not in that pulsing way that keeps me from sleep, not oppressive like the balloon of stress that keeps me from eating, no a soothing kind of thought. A pensive reflection. Everything I was, am, still want to be, in that moment. Contentment in that solitude, in the momentary break of my reality, in the indulgence of my side that craves the connectivity with the wild world – the forests, the beach. I dream of these moments, these perfect visions in my mind that I see clearly and want desperately. The moments of freedom. Then I am free, and I know myself, and I am not ashamed of who I am. I am only content in my existence when there arent others to measure it against, to consider, to worry about, to hurt. I can just...be. Withouth thinking. Peace. Quiet. Seclusion. My soul is dark green with flashes of blue. Telin o Eryn Lasgalen. Why must I ramble so? I clearly need a break. I wanted to pack a bag and head off on Friday but I have so much work to do I cant…not to mention I had to work today. I just want some time to get a good night’s sleep, reorganize the mess of my thoughts and center myself. I get so worked up and lost in the trap of them, in my stress, my perfectionism, and my character flaws, that I forget that the endless chatter in my mind is my own and useful, when used right. Anyway, back to work. August 28 My profession would be staringSet the scene. Draw them in. Eerie nights and moonlit trees. Do you really think they're so easily taken in?
We all want to believe in magic.
Yesterday I bought:
* Fast times at Barrington High
* Jericho Season 1
* Snatch
* Batman Begins
* The Prestige
* Mr & Mrs Smith
* The last king of Scotland
* The Wrong Man (aka Lucky Number Sleven)
I was thinking if I'm going to keep these red acid wash Levis, Doc Martens would go really well with them. Ugh ugh ugh. I cannot make up my mind about them. I want to wear them but then if I get tired of them...well it's a lot of money to leave lying around the closet. And everyone just keep telling me to keep them! Sigh.
I'm tired and stretched thin over my emotions, barely there composure. You can see the blood pumping under the papyrus of my exterior, it threatens to crumble at a touch. Close scrutiny not advised, put me under glass.
I'm thinking about getting an lj again...again. Dont know why, but the thought came to me this afternoon during another mundanely busy work day.
Beckett II is charging, and Jasper is monotonously flashing green light my way.
I'm cold, soup calls.
There is discourse in every second of every day.
We're almost here againStupid rotator cuff disorder or whatever they call it. Now its my left arm. Usually its my right. I am not impressed. I wonder if taping it up will help. Its 10 to 10 and no one is here yet. Always makes me feel like I've missed something and maybe we don't have class. Have to do a shit load of writing this weekend. Haven't done my homework. Oh well. -- From Jasper, with love. [[Power and speed and death rolled into one]] |
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